I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
