In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
