Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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