I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
