Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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