just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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