I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
