i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
