I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You smell like stripper and shame
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
