don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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