Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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