I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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