wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
