Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize