Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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