OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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