Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need a beard to bite.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
