Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
