remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
