pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
