i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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