I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
