A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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