Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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