i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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