he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
