Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
