Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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