My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
