I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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