Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
