I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
