I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
