Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need water and some morals
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
