i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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