are you so shy because you have an std?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
