Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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