I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
