I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
