I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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