Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
