people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
