She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
