I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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