C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
