OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
