bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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