It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
