i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
