no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
