and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sober January is a disaster.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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