I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
