I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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