this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
