Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
