Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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