Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
