do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
