meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
