I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
