If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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