Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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