you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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