they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
