I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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