There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
