I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
