I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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