My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize