I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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