its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
