My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
