I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize