I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
